


if the sky is made of glass, why can't i see you in the stars

by thinking_toes



Series: skies in a glass bottle [1]
Category: Mamamoo, VIXX, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Did I Mention Angst?, Drinking, Dubious Morality, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining, Social Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, bionic au, but also explicit sexual content, implied prostitution, police officer vixx, rebels bts, revolution maybe, sunmi owns the brothel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-12 23:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18456725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinking_toes/pseuds/thinking_toes
Summary: '/why can't i see you in the stars?' is part 1 of the series skies in a glass bottle.You know how there are random glass bottles in antiques stores? And their colors are warped and beautiful, and they once reflected light but time has changed the way they absorb light, changed the way they show it back to the world.The characters are the glass and you get to see them trough a kaleidoscope of their experience, a nonlinear narrative, through different POVs, brings you into a dystopian sci-fi world where i wonder what connection means.





	1. the truth will change the way we fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongbin is a police officer who Does Not want to hang out with his co-workers on the weekend. Except for the new recruit.
> 
> Byulyi has a new assignment and is determined to do well. People are finally counting on her.
> 
> Jaehwan thought his job would keep him forever isolated. Somehow, in a dimly lit bar, he might have found a connection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> This chapter is pretty mild, but it does include mentions of prostitution, drinking, uh..and implicit sexy times so yeah. I'm setting up a lot so wait for the end of the arc (:
> 
> i'm leaving individual [mood](https://youtu.be/J6Ja3Vip1tg) [songs](https://youtu.be/vvvvcpwFw5o) for each chapter, enjoy!
> 
> Come chat with me on twt!! [I'm maria](https://twitter.com/thinking_toes) (:  
> Ps. Uploads every Sunday while i backlog enough of Arc 2

The loud bass pumped in his ears, the foul smells of alcohol and sweat around him were almost enough to make him break his composed expression. He’d been left to sit alone at the table, as Hakyeon and the other members of the team were happily celebrating his naming as Chief of Police. Hongbin pushed past the people at the club, tired already of the human contact, of waiting around for everyone. There was smoke all around him; in the smells, his eyes, in his head. Hongbin could barely see Hakyeon behind all the dancing people surrounding him. His boss looked a little buzzed from the alcohol and very happy with Taekwon’s hands on his hips, though the poor guy was red in the face and couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. He felt like a hypocrite cringing at their sappy antics, knowing that if he could get over himself, he’d look just as happy. Hongbin looked for the rest of the team. He saw some people from units around the city- damn Hakyeon for being so popular-, but there was no one he knew closely, so he kept looking for the person he’d actually come here for.

A foreign looking stranger was sitting with him though. The man, sharp nose, sharp jawline, yet soft looking, was holding himself too casually, his lips too close to Sanghyuk’s ear. Hongbin curled his lip in disgust. Sanghyuk had his drink in one hand, the little punk, and the other was running through his own hair. Fuck. Hongbin couldn’t help a huff escape him. He took a step towards them and froze, involuntarily, at the look on Sanghyuk’s face, eyes brimming with laughter. He felt heat rise to his face and he clenched his fists. He quickly stepped out of the bar and took out a cigarette.

The soft light of early morning shone through the leaves as the wind weaved through his bones and knocked his teeth together. He watched the stick of tobacco burn between his fingers, liking the smoke that rose in the air, liking the sight of of the flames eating away at the cigarette. It was his anger burning now at the stick of carcinogens, eating at his stomach with the image of Sanghyuk flirting with the stranger. He didn’t want to go back in, but Hakyeon was his ride back. Tapping quickly at the curve of his ear, he turned off the civilian attachment that blocked the use of his internal AI so he could receive signal from the network. It was technically illegal not to have his attachment on after he left work, but he’d heard rumors it didn’t really work anyway. He knew the government spied on all the cops, seeing how they were a branch of the military since Reunification, so Hongbin didn’t take the rule very seriously. He took out his work phone and blew on the sensor, checking to make sure he was sober enough to ask Taekwoon for his motorcycle. The circuits connected to his brain let him know he was just under the limit, so he thankfully didn’t have to pay a chatty stranger to take him home. He stepped back into the stench of sweat and alcohol, and saw Hakyeon flopping happily all over the second in command, so he figured it was a safe bet they’d be spending the night together and Taekwoon would hand over the keys easily.

He rode back home with the noise of the motorcycle filling his head, but not erasing, at all, the bitter taste in his mouth. It had started to seep in when he saw Sanghyuk with the strange man at the bar, but when he left, keys in hand, to take his ride home and saw the vacated seats where he’d seen them before, it settled comfortably at the back of his throat.

*******

She pursed her lips as she looked at the mirror. Mamma Sunmi told her only that she had a new assignment and that it was important. She wanted to make sure she looked the part, while also being on time. Mamma Sunmi would reproach them on their punctuality without remarking on her own tardiness, but being the madam of your own house had those perks. Byulyi’s hair lay in soft ashy blond waves past her shoulders, the sharpness of her eyes and jaw were softened by the roundness of her cheeks and the pout of her lip. The expertly applied make up made her eyes look alluring and inviting, and the velvety dress clung to her slim frame. She stood up, smoothed it out around her thighs and stuck her red lipstick in her purse for when she needed it later. It wasn’t only her favorite color, but her way of communicating with the restaurant staff. The drive to the restaurant was uneventful, though she always enjoyed looking out at the city. When the sun had gone down and the bright lights of the city that obscured the stars flickered on, when the moon came shining through, most people went to sleep. But for her, twilight was the beginning.

She stepped into the establishment knowing Mamma Sunmi would be waiting for her in a private booth so they could review the assignment before the client showed up. With a courteous yet quick nod to the staff, she went to meet her boss. Mamma Sunmi was no ordinary woman. She was seated regally in the booth, perfectly manicured and dressed. If you saw her down the street you might mistake her for a spoiled brat, a rich man’s daughter or his companion. Many people made that mistake, and while many women might be offended by the implications, Sunmi had weaponized them. She had turned them into one of the many different coats of camouflage she could shrug on, which made her lethal in their business. She controlled her image well, possessing the calm grace of someone who has done their difficult job for many years and is not fazed by much. Despite the youth of her pretty baby face, she gave nothing away. Byulyi sat serenely in front of her waiting for her boss to start the meeting.

“Did you eat yet?” Mamma asked in her dulcet voice.

“Not yet Mamma. I’m having dinner with the client.” Byulyi smiled at her concern.

“Of course you are, but look at you. I wish I had your waist... Well, I have to be honest, you weren’t the first choice for this assignment. Hwasa is much more this gentleman’s type.” She smiled knowingly at her.

Of course, he’d chosen Hwasa. She was much more popular, with her rounded hips and sexual energy. It didn’t matter that she was younger, -or maybe because she was- customers preferred her over Byulyi. She didn’t have the elegance of Mamma, or casual charm of Solar, nor the vibrant energy of Hwasa’s personality. She was what she liked to think of as a niche, acquired taste. However, Mamma was subtly informing her about her client’s preferences. _Lay on the greasy charm, check._

“I’m sure you’ll do alright, though. He’s doing well for himself, having recently been promoted to Lieutenant General for the Public Service, so he’ll be a fine companion if you do well.” _Keep an eye on the bastard, check_. Mamma extended her arm, inviting Byulyi to take her hand. She slipped a thin, short bit of metal and held her hand in place as she finished. “Take care.” _Make sure you don’t have to use the safety chip, check_.

Byulyi took out her red lipstick and separated the crayon from the holder, tucking the chip in the tube and putting it all back together. Mamma smiled at her, handing her a tissue, and Byulyi swallowed down the butterflies that attempted a prison break from her stomach. She wiped her fingers carefully and tucked the lipstick into her bag. It was time to meet her target.

***

The restaurant itself belonged to Mamma Sunmi, though not all of their clients knew it, so she could keep an eye on many of the first meetings with special clients. While this served many purposes (making sure the girls weren’t getting drunk, assuring the quality of the initial encounter to the client, relying on servers as well as the girls to retrieve information), it mainly helped Byulyi feel safe when meeting such powerful men. She knew these men had no sense of boundaries because in their real lives no one ever said no to them. It was a fine line to walk with them, between playfully denying them to entice them and provoking their rage. Being completely unattracted to men made it difficult in the beginning for Byulyi to see that line, but slowly she started walking more comfortable on the edges of the sexy provocation Hwasa was always so naturally dancing in. While none of the girls saw each other as competition- they were all after the same objective, Byulyi sometimes had a hard time not comparing herself to the others. Mamma had told her about her client’s first choice not to make her feel inferior, she reminded herself, but to give her an idea of what her client wanted from her. It wasn’t only her body that made her feel insecure. Byulyi had heard of the girl who had gotten too tipsy on her first date and repelled the client. That girl was blacklisted. What if she made a fool of herself? Not only in front of the client, but in front of the staff and Mamma?

She heard the bell chime of the door announcing her client had finally arrived, and she arranged her expression to something more suitable. Putting away all thoughts of sexy Hwasa, she stood up to greet her client. There was a reason Mamma picker her over the youngest Siren member after all, so she might as well make a positive first impression. The gentleman who walked into the restaurant looked nothing like what Byulyi expected. She had been imagining a balding middle-age man in a business suit, or a stubby thumb looking military grump, much like her dad. The man walking towards her was dressed in a fine white suit, brilliant black shoes, and smelled of expensive aftershave. He had the short hair expected of a Public Service Lieutenant but it didn’t make him look severe, rather it made him look young, like a schoolboy, with barely any wrinkles, and a bright smile. His body filled out the suit nicely, and if Byulyi wanted men she wouldn’t be displeased by her lot. Instead, it somehow made her miss Hani. Instead of sighing like she wanted to, Byulyi smiled demurely at the Lieutenant.

“Pleased to meet you, my name is Moonbyul.” She made a quick assessment and decided it was safe, so she waved the server over to their table by way of placing her lipstick delicately on the plate in front of her before extending her hand towards the gentleman. “Let’s sit down, I’m sure you’re tired. Let’s have a good time.”

The Lieutenant smiled back. “I’m sure we will.”

*******

When he invited an attractive younger man to his apartment to spend the night, Jaehwan did not expect to be woken up with a punch to the face.

“Sorry..” came the lethargic, if amused apology.

He should have just gone to sleep on the couch. His back was aching and the blankets around them were twisted impossibly and mostly pushed to the foot of the bed. Jaehwan wasn’t cold though. They’d held each other all night, as if they’d known each other for ages. It was a weird feeling, the happiness of waking up next to someone he barely knew. He never tried to connect with the people he slept with, knowing his job made it impossible, but with this guy- it felt natural. The fluttery feeling in his chest was making him antsy and jittery. He crawled on top of his companion- Sanghyuk, he remembered,- and peppered him with aggressive kisses. It was playful, and funny, and the excitement in Jaehwan’s chest was the long-forgotten warmth of new light.

“Oh wow, I’m not sure if you want another round or you’re trying to wrestle me.” Sanghyuk huffed out amidst giggles and attempts at tickling

“I could be persuaded for either, as long as we stay in bed.” Jaehwan answered with a grin. Sanghyuk turned to face Jaehwan on the bed.

“I’d love to, actually, but,” Sanghyuk noticed the hurt look and quickly pecked him to reassure him. “No, no I would, but I have a shift in a few hours actually. I probably shouldn’t go into work with the same clothes, smelling like this, is all.”

“You smell just fine,” he grumbled, as he cuddled closer, “But yeah, ok. You can take a shower here if you want. And I’ll make you breakfast?” He smiled at Sanghyuk, hopeful. Anything that could extend their time together.

“Oh, I’ll shower back home, but breakfast sounds amazing.”

“Let’s do it. Don’t want you to be late for work.”Despite his words, Jaehwan snaked his arms around Sanghyuk and attacked him again with silly noises and tickles. Sanghyuk finally pushed his weight off amidst many giggles and sweet kisses. He quickly slipped on his jeans, shoving his feet into his socks and looking around for his shirt.

“It’s in the kitchen” Jaehwan said, looking forlornly at his retreating butt. It only took him a few moments to pull on some underwear himself and join Sanghyuk in the kitchen. He was at once thankful that his shifts were flexible, and worried because Sanghyuk’s job was obviously a normal one. Somehow the worry made him happy again, realizing this was the first time in ages he felt any sort of hope. The instant oatmeal on their bowls belied the cooking ability of the host, but it gave them a few more moments to enjoy each other’s company until Sanghyuk looked at the time.

“I’m sorry, I really have to go now. I-I’d love to meet you again sometime.” Jaehwan felt a squeeze in his heart and his stomach dropped. “What’s your tag?” Sanghyuk had his phone ready to search him, and Jaehwan panicked. He’d never had to think this far ahead.

“Oh, I got hacked recently, actually. I’m trying to get my tag back, but you know how these things are.” Hacking? Sure, that was a good enough cover-up. “I got this crappy phone in the meantime. Gimme your number; it’ll be romantic, like old times.”

Sanghyuk didn’t seem to mind it, and searched his phone for his number. “You know I only get calls from robots right? This is going to be so weird...” He chuckled as he gave him his contact details.  
“Yeah, I guess it’ll be weird to call like that,” The topic was making Jaehwan nervous, it made him want to fill the silence. “Where do you work anyway?”

“I’m a trainee for the city’s Public Service.” There was a hint of pride in the way he said it. People, normal people, must be impressed with his job title and the weight it carried. Public Service members were part of the military, they were the rule of law, the only ones with access to certain technology-legally. Most people admire, or at least respect Public Service members. “I’m actually going to be an officer for this city.” Jaehwan was instead flooded with dread.

“Wow-cool, cool, cool yeah. Better not make the boss mad, right? Hah-Hah” His voice sounded weird to himself, but Sanghyuk didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah, but I guess that’s the same for everyone, right?” Jaehwan was silent, processing everything, so he didn’t realize he’d missed his cue to speak until Sanghyuk cleared his throat and added, “Well, thanks for everything. Let’s meet up sometime, yeah?”

Jaehwan smiled in response, admiring the man in front of him, and waving as he stepped into the hallway. He was not the smartest person, but Jaehwan knew this was going to be complicated. Yet he felt, for the first time in years, he felt the warmth of another body. He decided without deciding, in that moment, to follow his feelings. Sanghyuk had only left a few minutes ago and Jaehwan already felt the urge of talking to him again; it all had to mean something, right?

He was busy chewing on the inside of his cheek when he felt the buzzing of his phone. His hope that it was Sanghyuk ballooned up in his chest, only to deflate when he saw his friend’s name on the screen.

_Meeting in an hour. Bring the notebook- Jinnie : 8.34_

Jaehwan sighed at his phone.While he had no other job he had to get to, he had been hoping to get an open day to roam around the city and bask in his happy thoughts. Instead he was going to have to spend his time keeping minutes for a boring meeting in a dingy room. The weather was starting to warm up too, he thought mournfully, as he got ready for the meeting.

The apartment wasn’t very big. The bed was squished in a corner, next to it was a bathroom with a tub. A paper sliding door separated this makeshift bedroom from the kitchen. It was really was a single burner stove, under which he kept his two, mostly unused, pans. There was a convection oven occupying most of the countertop space, an electric kettle, and his small fridge which held his frozen meals, milk and some containers with packed meals Seokjin had given him. He took one of them out and stuck it carelessly in his backpack. There was not much space for anything at his place, but he had even less room to complain about it, seeing as how he didn’t pay for it.

Staring quickly around his apartment, Jaehwan recounted the steps for protocol. He closed the blinds for the small window across his bed, as well as locking the door to the apartment. He checked with Hoseok via text that his anti-tracking code was up and running correctly, and he dug around his underwear drawer for an old laptop. It had been stripped down to the hardware, and then Hoseok had built it back up again so basically all it could do was take notes for all their meetings and keep track of all the movements of the organization in a record. This was, of course, coded, and there were many protocols for handling the laptop. It put Jaehwan in an interesting position of being in charge of a key part of the organization without having any power within the movement.

As long as they kept paying his rent and feeding him, it seemed fair to him. Jaehwan didn’t really envy those with responsibility, like his friends who had to constantly take monumental decisions. His place in the organization suited him just fine.

Except when he wanted to play outside and they called him in for a shift.

Sighing one last time, Jaehwan stuck the laptop in his backpack. Being such an important piece of equipment, they might have found a better way of transporting it, but Namjoon said the best way of going unnoticed was to do the most normal thing. So Jaehwan dressed in sweatpants and a black sweatshirt and he started towards the isolated train station that was their Headquarters. At least he’d get to see Jin, hopefully Hani too, and he’d find out how their latest mission went.

***

Sanghyuk was cautiously excited, worried really, about their technically first date, even though he’d had deeply intimate meetings with Jaehwan in the past month. The last relationship he’d had was in college. A guy from class had brought him a coffee with a sticky note asking him out and he was so surprised by it, he didn’t even think about saying no. Or whether it was someone Sanghyuk would like to date. He was nice, but they eventually realized they had nothing in common and broke it off. The whole thing lasted a couple of months and left him feeling awkward about dealing with romantic relationships, so he limited himself to casual encounters and focused on his everyday life. He was busy settling in his new job, but somehow felt compelled to meet Jaehwan again, so he accepted his dinner invitation. Despite their late night messages and late night meetups, tonight would be their first official date. Looking at the time in his phone again drew the attention of his cubicle mate.

“Antsy much? Got a hot date or what?” Hongbin asked mockingly.

“Uh. I didn’t think I was being that obvious.” Sanghyuk smiled apologetically and continued to work on his report quietly. Hongbin wasn't much older than him, but had the heart of a grumpy old man, which usually amused him. However, lately it felt like his mentor was especially irritable, so he left him alone. The grove between Hongbin’s eyebrows deepened and he turned around quietly, rather than keeping up his usual sarcastic banter. Sanghyuk sighed quietly and went back to speculating on the possibilities of his relationship with Jaehwan.

So far they had gone on a short coffee date, abruptly ending at the call of Jaehwan’s boss. He intended to ask him what his job was today, since he had gotten some weird looks from his mom when she asked what he did for a living and Sanghyuk realized he had no idea. He wasn’t one to push for labels, to want to be a couple, but the flighty nature of Jaehwan and his indisposition to share straightforward information made him want to pin down what was going on between them. With the time on his shift coming to a close, he rushed to sign out and barely noticed the dirty look Hongbin was giving him. He dedicated half a second to feeling guilty for leaving work sooner than him, but he’d asked Hakyeon for permission to leave early and he’d said yes. Well he’d giggled and winked, and given Sanghyuk heaps of unsolicited advice about dating, which he’d taken as a yes. Leaving all of his paperwork behind and switching on his civilian attachment, Sanghyuk drove home at the edge of the speed limit the whole way, running inside his clean studio apartment and undressing on the way to the bathroom so he could have time for a shower. He scrubbed himself with a soft smelling soap and came out ready to put together an outfit when his phone lit up with a text from Jaehwan.

_Srry. work’s running late. meet you @ ur place?_

It was almost the time for Sanghyuk to leave to the restaurant. They were going to miss their dinner reservation. He slumped down on his bed and texted back.

_Sure, no worries. Don’t rush, drive safe~_

There was a prickly feeling, one he couldn’t quite name, but that was starting to become familiar. Jaehwan was funny and sweet; just being together made him feel lighter, brighter. Maybe the issue was when they weren’t talking face to face. There were details that made him think Jaehwan was not being quite truthful sometimes, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It put him on edge, and yet. They only needed to see each other in person to melt into each others’ arms. Sanghyuk resolved to talk to him when he stopped by. Communication was supposed to be the first rule of any relationship. If they were a few minutes late the restaurant might still keep their table, he thought, trying to cheer himself up. He got dressed, carefully styling his hair up, and sat on the small couch playing games on his phone until he fell asleep.

He knocked on the door at ten. Sanghyuk opened the door, prepared to tell him off, when he saw his face. Crumpled with guilt and carrying various bags of takeout, convenience store sweets, and flowers, he apologized profusely and begged for forgiveness. It was all so over-the-top, Sanghyuk had no choice but to smile and let him inside, the poor soul. He’d had busy days at work too, after all, and he was mighty curious as to what kind of work kept delaying their date.

They ate and talked animatedly, distracting themselves from the awkwardness and wanting to lighten the mood. Sanghyuk brought out his game console and they started to play a standard puzzle game when Sanghyuk decided to bring up what was bothering him.

“I know you haven’t asked, but I’m almost done with my training.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Yeah, I’ll be a full-fledged cop soon, and I kinda wonder why you haven’t asked me about my job. Or told me what yours is.”

“Pftt-well, it hadn’t come up. But no yeah. Cool. Cop. AH! I got the gem! You’re done...HAHAHA”

“Soooo... your job...” Sanghyuk started again, feeling like maybe he should have waited to bring this up until after they were done with the games.

“I know why you’re asking.” Jaehwan eyed him furtively as he interrupted. “You can’t believe I'm not a model, right?” Sanghyuk laughed, and Jaehwan took the opportunity to use a combo and win the round.

Sanghyuk opened his mouth in shock. He turned to look at a gleeful Jaehwan with a cocked eyebrow, unsure now as to how to continue. The shift in conversation wasn’t going to distract him this time, he was determined. But he also felt compelled to squash his enemy, so he grinned and locked eyes with the screen until their digital gem battle was over. As soon as he sent the last bricks to block Jaehwan's screen he pumped his fist in the air and turned to gloat. Jaehwan was already looking at him, intensely, and moving towards Sanghyuk with slow deliberate movements.

“Don’t worry about my job. It’s a job, it pays the bills. I want to make you happy, and I can’t do that if you insist on talking about my work.” He reached his arm out, not far, to hold his face. “I want to make you happy, Sanghyuk.” Jaehwan repeated, whispered, a promise, before he leaned down and pressed his soft lips to Sanghyuk’s.

Sanghyuk was taken aback by his actions, yet he couldn’t find it in himself to push Jaehwan away or kick him out. His smell, his warmth was overwhelming. All he wanted was to be closer, bite harder, feel more. The anxious squeeze of his heart became the fast paced heart rate of anticipation, and he allowed his words to soothe the doubts in his mind. They were desperately clinging to each other, and there was suddenly an alarming lack of clothes and Jaehwan was guiding them both through his studio apartment, to his bed, as if he’d been there thousands of times, as if this was his own apartment. He grabbed him by the waist confidently and pushed him down unto the plushy comforter, kneeling in front of him. Sanghyuk, who couldn’t find it in himself to say no to Jaehwan, started pushing the comforter out of the way so it wouldn’t get dirty. Jaehwan noticed this and smiled at him, not to make fun but making mental note of his personality, of his quirks. He touched, licked and kissed him until his moaning was too embarrassing and Sanghyuk wiggled upwards, escaping his grasp to reach for the nightstand, tossing back at him a lubricated condom and a small lube container. Jaehwan climbed on the bed, on top of Sanghyuk, and kissed him again. Their kisses turned gentle, as he came, and they touched each other sweetly until dawn.

Sanghyuk fell asleep in Jaehwan’s arms, feeling comforted, even if his questions hadn’t been satisfied. When he woke up, he couldn’t tell if it was the sun streaming through the blinds of the windows that had woken him up, or the coolness on the right side of the bed where Jaehwan was suddenly absent. He lay quietly in bed, trying to listen for his movements, but knew almost immediately he was gone. Sanghyuk felt a prick to his heart, like the pinch from a needle, small enough that he thought he could easily ignore it. He scratched his head before walking to the kitchen, turning on the kettle and going to check his uniform for work. It wasn’t until he checked his phone that he noticed a text from Jaehwan:  
 _work called ):_


	2. revealing every demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taekwoon takes care of a drunk Hakyeon
> 
> Byulyi makes a mistake; all she can do is wait for the repercussions
> 
> Sanghyuk wants to have something more serious with Jaehwan, but WINGS cockblocks them
> 
> Wonsik goes to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly the timeline will make sense, i promise!...
> 
> Uh, this chapter has mentions of prostitution (as will the rest of the series), angst, unhealthy relationships ): and improper heating of coffee
> 
> the last one was Very Triggering to my beta reader, im sorry bb ):
> 
> I have songs to make you sad while you listen [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ_S9FBVaXg) and [here](https://youtu.be/KNWLQI5_JLc)

"You know, everyone in the unit thinks we're dating because you're always doing shit like this," said a disgruntled Taekwoon. He'd noticed the look Hongbin had given them as he'd asked for the bike's keys. God, Hongbin. He'd call him later.

Hakyeon slurred something in response but ended up just flopping in bed without attempting to undress. Taekwoon, who was used to his bosses' drunken antics, started the process of undressing him, pouring him a glass of water and forcing him to drink it with a straw, as well as putting pajamas on him- god forbid he skip this step. Once Hakyeon was properly tucked in, he took off his own attachment and plopped on the sofa. He thought about going through the process of brushing his teeth, taking down some blankets, putting on his own pajamas, and when he was done thinking about it he was so exhausted that he immediately fell asleep.

Hakyeon opened his eyes and remembered why he'd sworn last time he wouldn't drink ever again. Head pounding, mouth dry, he was getting too old for this hangover shit. He made the same promise now, knowing he would break the new oath at the next opportunity. He closed his eyes, sniffed the blankets and groaned. He recognized the soft cotton smell of Taekwoon's bed. He also noticed that the usual gentle hum from the civilian attachment wasn’t there; Taekwoon had turned it off, but forgotten to take it off. Hakyeon took another couple of minutes to consider if he was really going to throw up, and when he realized his stomach was empty he decided to sit up. He was alone in the room, the pounding of his head gave an almighty thump, and he thanked his past self to have had the sense to drink himself silly before his day off. He reached behind his ear for his attachment, where it fit snugly like a part of himself, and turned it on since he was off the clock. The slight vibration was ticklish in the beginning, but Hakyeon got used to the sensation soon enough. He puttered about for a while, getting a sense of his body, and then started wondering where Taekwoonie was, and if he was making coffee. Hakyeon burst into the small living room about to yell for him, when he saw his second in command, fully dressed, shivering slightly on the couch. His own nostrils flared at the sight, yet guilt made him refrain from nagging about catching a cold. Instead, he covered him with a blanket from the linen closet and started the coffee machine as if this was his own house.

It practically was.

*******

Just thinking about talking to Mamma about this made her stomach knot up in all kinds of complicated ways.

She had never gotten along with a client the way she did with the Lieutenant, which was probably a flag of some kind of color. He took her to military functions, which she had expected, to semi-public appearances, for which she had to groom herself in all the ways he specified, but he also took her on really private dates. He didn’t do it right away. After a private showing of a theater production, a particularly boring one, there had been an incident. One of the older men -like the ones Byulyi had initially expected on their first meeting- had casually made some comments about her. She was used to people talking that way about her, sometimes even her clients. So the sudden rage in the Lieutenant's face took her by surprise as much as everyone else. He’d demanded an apology with such force, that the balding man was wide-eyed when he spluttered random words of apology. Byulyi was vaguely gratified by his rage and made the mistake of thinking it was indignation on her behalf. From that moment she allowed herself, almost unconsciously, to lower a layer of self-protection around who she now thought of as her Lieutenant. She was a little too genuine, a little too vulnerable, for her own good. What she thought was righteous outrage had been prideful indignation. Byulyi would look back to moments like this before dying and laugh at herself for deceiving herself into thinking this man could be good somehow. Before long, he was exclusively taking her out on public and private dates, and she was reading his trust in small yet significant ways, was lulled into a false sense of security. Two months had flown by and the Lieutenant was bringing up the matter of her profession. He kept implying that he wanted her for himself, wanted to pay for her education. If she had been sexually attracted to men, if she could fall in love with him, Byulyi might have fallen for him. Yet somehow every time he brought up his plans for both of them, she thought of Hani, and how she owed a report to Mamma. It was the first time her gut twisted up with guilt, probably because it was the first time she actually liked someone she spied on.

Byulyi pushed the lightweight rice paper door aside and stuck her head inside the deceptively simple room.

Mamma Sunmi was seated on a cushion on the floor, her light brown hair flowing down her back. “There better be a good reason for what you did, love. Namjoon is a patient man. Can you explain why such a gentle man yelled at me for half an hour straight?” Her beautiful face was gentle as ever, but her voice was tight in reprimand.

Byulyi licked her lips, nervousness making her mouth go dry. “I made a mistake, I’m so sorry.”

***

She’d met up with her girlfriend and friends. That was all it took. A rainy day with no appointments and no assignments, Byulyi had been sitting on her windowsill, sipping on tea and reading a boring book that everyone had said was So Good. It was garbage and she was falling asleep. The pitter patter of the rain and the warmth of the tea was lulling her to sleep, but Hani bounced into the living room with her phone on speaker on top of their basket overflowing with fresh laundry. On the phone was her work-mate and beard, Seokjin, and their friend Jaehwan. They were apparently trying to put together an outing and no one was available on the same days. Byulyi pushed aside her tea and book to help Hani set up the drying rack and hang the clothes on it; she said hello to the boys and heard them fuss over the details.

_Seokjin-No, that doesn’t work either, Hani and I have a function next week. Hi, Byul!_

_Jae-Well if you guys can’t do it next week, I’m booked until next month I think..._

_Hani-Well, shit. Sandeul won’t be back for two months anyway._

_Byul-Wait, where are you guys right now?_

_Seokjin/Jae- Home._

_Hani- WhAt_

_Byulyi-Hahaha, we could just meet up now. Let’s meet up in a few_

_Jae-But what are we going to Do. Its rainy and wet.._

_Seokjin-And gross._

_Hani- Let’s have drinks!_

_Seokjin-And snacks?_

_Jae-Ok, yeah, now I’m in the mood._

_Byulyi-Meet you in 15 at the old place next to the university._

_Hani-Last one there pays for the first round_

The boys had come in running, out of breath, but they were no match for Byulyi and Hani who lived one subway station away from the university where they had all met, though not necessarily as students. The girls were seated, already cutting up the first seafood pancake and each with their own drink. Jaehwan was celebrating a little early his victory in the race and in the last meter he slipped in a puddle of rain, falling on his cushiony butt right into the muddled waters. Seokjin’s laugh slowed him down, but he reached the tent third. Byulyi took the umbrella Hani brought along and walked towards their sopping friend to make sure he wasn’t actually hurt. He made pouty faces at her, which let her know he was fine, and they cheerfully walked back to join the group. Once they all sat down they had time to catch up, tease each other, and laugh. They had brought each other into the world of WINGS, thinking the organization could somehow help them. It was a disjointed group of kids wishing, hoping, working, to make their world a better place. They wanted WINGS to give something back too, but so far it felt like they’d been giving, and giving, and giving for years now. Their friendship kept them sane. The times when they could just sit and talk were growing scant, all of them in different teams of the organization, but maybe it meant they were finally leading up to something. Hopefully they could rest soon. For now, Byulyi was happy just to let her mind rest and talk video games with her friends.

If she’d known the spyware on her phone was following her location, she might not have gone out with her friends. If she’d known, she wouldn’t have taken out her phone at all, especially to give a copy of her pictures with Hani to Seokjin. He’d wanted some newer photos to show off at their next fancy public function-Jaehwan had whooped and made the joke he always did about Seokjin not being able to use a Jaehwan pic on his phone because of those damn politicians, to which he got the routine eye roll- and Seokjin had copied the spyware to his phone in the process. A phone that he took to the event and revealed a connection between them.

*******

When he heard the water hitting the tiles of his bathroom, Jaehwan felt safer opening his phone and checking his texts. He felt a little like a man cheating on his wife, with all the sneaking, the half lies. It was really starting to weigh on him. After three months of sleeping together, they had wordlessly started keeping each other’s things. It started with a typical toothbrush, some “forgotten” underwear. Eventually Jaehwan found his old hoodie in Sanghyuk’s hamper and when he went to apologize, Jaehwan just smiled. Keep it, he told Sanghyuk. Looks better on you anyway.  
Unfortunately this meant that the more he liked Sanghyuk, the more difficult it was for him to keep secrets. Wonsik was calling for an emergency meeting in a few minutes. It was urgent, he texted, since a member of the Siren team had finally infiltrated the higher ranks of the Public Service. They could finally begin to move forward and gain control of the police branch of the military. Though he wasn’t high ranked in the organization, he was the only one with access to their records and data. He couldn’t skip big meetings-or small ones for that matter; his time was not his own. The lie formulating in his head was already thick and heavy on his tongue. Sanghyuk came out of the shower and Jaehwan quickly locked his phone, jumping slightly in surprise. He only raised an eyebrow and held his towel in a tighter grip around his hips, holding on to the steam from the shower.

“So... breakfast?” Sanghyuk asked, tilting the end of the question as though he already knew the answer. Which he did, having seen Jaehwan jump like that a hundred times in the past three months. Not to mention the guilty pout and doe eyed look Jaehwan had on his face.

“I’m so sorry. Next time, I promise, I-” The rest of the explanation , or rather lie, died flat on his lips when he heard Sanghyuk sigh. “I do, believe--My boss just...”

“It’s ok, I get it. God knows I understand having an annoying boss.” He let out a small chuckle that made him think he’d gotten away with it for now, but before Jaehwan could sigh in relief Sanghyuk sat on the bed and continued, “Jae, I just want to know what’s going on. You work really weird hours, and you can’t even tell me what your job actually is? I’m not stupid, I know you lie. A lot. I can’t keep coming over, and meeting you like this and...ugh. Just. What are we doing?”

Jaehwan searched his eyes. They were drawn together, not softly, or beseeching him, but confused, and hurt. He thought how hard it must have been for him to finally say it. Jaehwan was suddenly reminded how young Sanghyuk actually was. Though he carried himself with strength in his lithe shoulders, though he had trained himself to be a weapon, his heart was soft and young when it came to love. It took all he had for Jaehwan to swallow everything down, to not tell him right then and there the whole truth. But he knew that it was more than just his life at stake; he was protecting others’ lives as well. So he pushed down the words that were waiting to burst in his mouth. He lied instead.

“Well, you said it yourself. We are people who go out and we fuck sometimes. Why do you need to know where I work? We don’t need labels.”Jaehwan winced internally even as he said, “If you need a label, I guess we are like, fuckbuddies.” Gross. Jaehwan knew he sounded like a creep. Like a gross, creepy fuckboy. But the words were out, he couldn't take them back.

“Jae, even friends have intimacy. You say we are going out, like, but you keep canceling on me, so we really only ever fuck without actually-you know, hanging out. Is that all you want? Is that what we are?” The confused look on his face broke his heart. This wasn’t fair. “If you don’t want me the way I want you..then I don't want to keep doing this, Jae.”  
Jaehwan realized how it must look to Sanghyuk. Always making random plans, cancelling just as randomly. Barely any time to spend with each other. Sure they texted, sure they called. Yet he only now realized they’d never really spent time with each other in non sexual ways. There were things he wanted with Sanghyuk that he’d never wanted before with anyone, and it had never mattered that he couldn’t have them because he had his job. He suddenly found himself daydreaming of a life with Sanghyuk. Holding hands as they walk down the street. Tapping his hips lightly to move aside as they cook together. Bringing him surprise flowers at work. Of course, he wasn’t allowed to come over to his workplace, so thinking about that was moot, no matter how much he wanted those things. It brought him back to reality. Jaehwan suddenly felt hopeless at the thought of being with him.

“I can’t give you more.” Jaehwan whispered tightly.

The soft fabric underneath him shuffled as Sanghyuk stood up. He walked over to a pile of his clothes as Jaehwan looked on, fear sneaking into his chest and squeezing his heart firmly, vice-like. Alarms kept blaring in his head, all his thoughts were in a panic, yet he could not move. He could not say anything, as the words he kept trying to push out of his mouth seemed weak and counterproductive, and he swallowed the truth once more. They tasted like poison. He watched, as the loud shattering of glass inside his head held him immobile. Meanwhile, Sanghyuk dressed as fast as he could, grabbed his things, and walked out.

*******

It was almost time for Wonsik to get out of the house, but the coffee he’d made was untouched and cold since he’d gotten distracted with work emails- even though that’s where he was heading- and he was debating on whether he had time to stop to buy one or make himself a cup from the shitty instant machine at the office. He grabbed his cup, took a sip and shrugged to himself. He’d microwave it. He was in the process of carelessly pouring it on a tumbler when he looked at the time and simultaneously realized he had no socks. Not just on his feet, but all the socks he owned were in the hamper and now he had splashes of coffee on his white shirt. It wasn’t looking like a good day. He could either be super late and risk the wrath of Hakyeon, but not look like he didn’t know the basics of adult life, or be on time and look like a newly divorced vagabond. He decided against the wrath, since it was looking like he’d be needing Hakyeon’s pull sooner rather than later. He put on his dress shoes without socks, which he would call a fashion decision, and pulled on his thick leather jacket so it would cover the worst of the stains.  
His car was a harsh contrast to his appearance, sleek black car kept so clean it still smelled faintly of new leather. So it cut especially deep when he pulled in to the parking lot, and the first person to see him was none other than Hongbin. Strong jaw, soft brown hair effortlessly swept to the side, broad shoulders. Even his snarky smile let his dimples show, which Wonsik saw as physical proof that there was softness under his cynical remarks. Though they worked on different departments, they knew each other. Hongbin didn’t glance at him for long before he headed straight for the entrance, while Wonsik stayed frozen in shock, next to his car, coffee stains proudly displayed on his chest. They knew of each other. All the signs pointing to a bad day kept getting worse, Wonsik thought grimly.

He grabbed his bag roughly and rushed to the office building. Wonsik was in charge of the memory data transfer of the unit. His job was pretty technical, as he collected all the memories recorded by the officers on patrol and organized them on files, made backups, and secured them on their database. It was a relatively boring desk job, and Wonsik would have never thought he’d agree to do it, except while he reviewed officers’ camera footage he also scanned potential for WINGS, and kept a lookout for the organization. He made reports on the state of the unit and brought them to HQ to review candidates for recruitment, as well as backups of the footage itself. It was a mentally straining job, so if his outfit wasn’t on point he couldn't be blamed. Recently he’d found flickers of a familiar face on Sanghyuk’s memories. He’d expertly edited them out from the records but he wondered how Jaehwan had ever met Sanghyuk. Wonsik had brought him into WINGS not long after he himself had joined, which is partially how he’d gained a place as a recruiter. If Jaehwan had fucked up, Wonsik felt vaguely responsible- and nauseous- for his role in the debacle, small as it may be.  
Though he’d brought it up with his friend outside their official meetings, Jaehwan was evasive and refused to say anything about Sanghyuk. Whether they were dating, or how they met, Jaehwan was keeping quiet, and it was making Wonsik nervous. The people at HQ were not unreasonable, but if Jaehwan was hiding information and risking the operation they wouldn’t be lenient either. Hundreds of lives, friends’ lives, were at stake. As the weeks had gone by, the gnawing gut worm feeling had eaten his way through his stomach, and bile was floating around freely in his torso, corroding him from the inside with guilt, anxiety, and apprehension.

The feelings got pushed aside as he made himself busy, sitting in front of his desk and tackling one by one each of the tasks on his to-do list. Since Byulyi from the Siren team had infiltrated the Public Service, his work-load had increased dramatically. He was in that trance-like state of mind where he was getting things done, though he had no recollection of doing it himself, when the vibration of his phone awoke him from the haze.

“Wonsik?” Jaehwan’s voice was tight, and he could tell his friend had been crying.

“I'm here, what’s wrong?”

“It’s..Hyukie..please.” Of course Wonsik knew who Jaehwan was talking about. “He left because I can’t tell him what I do and I can't..I can’t lose him.”

“You know I can't suggest him just because of your feelings, Jae..what if it doesn’t work? It’s too risky.”

“Please, Wonsik.” He heard a sob from the other end of the line, and Wonsik felt something knot up in his throat. It really was too risky.

“That wasn’t the plan.” Wonsik groans, knowing he can’t deny his friend. How could he, if he’s the one person who could recruit Sanghyuk so they can be together. It was hard enough to date, they never imagined they would get to find love as a part of the organization. How could he deny his friend the chance? Except Sanghyuk is a Public Service member.

“I know,” Jaehwan knows, he’s apologetic but his voice is still thick with tears. “I'm still going to pitch it to Yoongi though.” It’s a threat veiled as thin as the ice they are walking on. “Wonsik, I love him. I’m sure he’ll flip.”

“Yoongi..” Wonsik whimpers, just thinking about his boss makes his hands clammy. “I’ll talk to him. Let me review Sanghyuk’s profile and I’ll suggest him to the bosses.”

All Wonsik could do was hope Sanghyuk was as wonderful as Jaehwan thought he was. If not, he’d pick up the pieces of Jaehwan’s heart, help him put them back together with time and patience. Most importantly, hopefully, this didn’t end with their other friends hurt. Hopefully he would side with WINGS in their struggle. Maybe he felt weak for choosing his one friend’s pain over his many friends’ potential safety, but Wonsik couldn’t stand to see his friend cry. If he could do something about it he would try.  
Wonsik looked at his to-do list and added his new tasks: research Jae’s cop, pitch him to Yoongi. He sighed at the length of the list, took another sip of coffee, and continued working.


	3. shattered stories dream of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That time Hongbin met Sanghyuk. 
> 
> Byulyi learns something new about the Lieutenant. 
> 
> Wonsik goes with Jaehwan to try to convince their bosses that it’s a good idea to try and bring Sanghyuk into WINGS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post last week! irl stuff got busy, but here's chapter 3. this arc is coming to an end ):
> 
> this chapter has some serious angst, general assholery, suggestions of unhealthy power dynamics..
> 
> hopefully seeing more of bts is fun tho (:
> 
> [ more](https://youtu.be/dwYxlcszZAI) [songs](https://youtu.be/wlp2sBtWbrk) [to make](https://youtu.be/Iq_EpxPuNOw) [ us sad](https://youtu.be/bR5u9jb0PJE)

The sour smell emanating from the man curled up in the corner of the subway station was pungent enough to penetrate through his face mask as soon as he stepped on the platform. Even if the old man himself couldn't tell the smell was coming from, well, himself, Hongbin certainly could. His morning had barely started and the offending smell immediately set him in an uncharitable mood for the rest of the day. Some hypothesized that Hongbin met the quotas of monthly arrests faster than others, not necessarily as a result of his skill, but of his temper. He looked at the man on the platform and ran his tongue over his teeth as he approached him. Even though the man ran away from him at the sight of his badge, the lingering smell made it obvious he’d lived for a while in that corner of the station. Maybe only overnight, but Hongbin made a mental note to add this observation on his report. Fucking rats. More than a cop, Hongbin saw himself as a pest control agent. After all, most people followed the law, most people were decent. Those who didn’t became the scourge of society. Hongbin was there to clean up so decent people could go through life with as little hassle as possible. That smell? Definitely a hassle.  
Hongbin came back into the office after his rounds were over, still in a vaguely bitter mood, not expecting the small crowd of students from the Academy. Their uniforms pressed with care, they looked like every batch from every year. Twenty-ish teens eager to join the Army’s Civilian Protection Force, what used to be the police, though they know only half will be accepted into the workforce. These were times of peace, they no longer needed as many people to fight as when their grandparents grew up. Hongbin saw his senior standing in front of the group and nodded in acknowledgement, but Hakyeon stopped him from basically running away. Despite his best efforts, Hakyeon’s huge smile told him he wouldn’t get away. With a sigh, he turned to the group.  
“This is officer Lee Hongbin, he’s one of our best. Officer Lee holds the highest arrest record in our unit. If you have any questions for him, he’ll be happy to answer them.” Hakyeon introduced him in his usual chipper tone. A skinny kid, dark hair chopped short, and a round nose raised a brave hand. Most of the students were intimidated by the glare pasted on officer Lee’s face, but he barely waited to get called on to blurt out:

“How many is that?”

“The arrests? 45 in a month is his highest count.” answered a perplexed Hakyeon. It wasn’t exactly the kind of question he expected, but the enthusiasm was appreciated.

“When I work here, I’ll make sure to beat that.” The kid answered with confidence.

“Well who knows what the record will be by then, but that enthusiasm is sure to help you get hired...Sanghyuk” Hakyeon squinted to read the tag on the lapel of his uniform and chuckled. He walked backwards towards the lift, waving both Hongbin away, and the students to follow him. “Now if you follow me to the laboratories we can continue the tour.”

Hongbin went to his desk to finish up some paperwork. He was deeply immersed in the monotony of his work when Hakyeon put his hand on his shoulder. It was impossible for his boss to stop touching him, even after multiple requests, but at least he’d stopped hugging him from behind.

"If you touch me it's assault and I WILL report you to HR, Hakyeon." Hongbin warns without even looking.

"If I were you, I'd watch out for that sass. I might get that promotion soon." Hakyeon teases as he ignores Hongbin's threat and puts his arm around him.

This forces Hongbin to pull away, giving an evaluating glare to his senior coworker. Having him as a boss would be frightful, in a word. But also a good thing for the office, probably. No one works harder than Officer Cha.

“What did you think of the babies?” Hakyeon asked. “Some of them could be starting their internships in a few months.”

“I don’t really care. Ask Yoongi, he’s in charge.” Hongbin turns back to his work, trying to drown out his coworker's voice with the loud clicking of his typing.

“The kid was cute. His resume has a strong profile.” Hongbin could tell Hakyeon was trying to provoke him, and no matter how stoic his expression remained, his ears grew red. The kid was cute.

*******

Despite having requested Hwasa initially, the Lieutenant asked for Byulyi again the next weekend after their first dinner. And then again the week after that. Every spare time the Lieutenant could carve out, he started spending with her. They weren't in love and didn't pretend to be, not with the rates per hour Byulyi's house charged, but they had the kind of close friendship one might have with an inevitable workmate. Byulyi understood that her job was to entertain him, and so did the Lieutenant. It was also to watch his every move and report it back, which he didn't know, but it didn't stop her from feeling somewhat fond at the sight of his blue striped suit. He always dressed up for her, as much as she did for him. It made her feel like he was also trying to impress her. He'd sent a message to Mamma Sunmi about an impromptu meeting in the middle of the day and she cleared her schedule for him. It wasn't necessarily more money for her, but it was definitely a better outing than going to a hotel room with a retired lobbyist blowing his divorce settlement on Viagra and fake orgasms.  
The marble flooring clicked against the impeccable steps of the Lieutenant as he got closer. He cited her in an upscale restaurant bar, one they visited once before. She wanted to skip breakfast so she could eat more, since he would pick up the tab, obviously, but it would be unseemly to make growling stomach noises in front of the Lieutenant. He might also take offense to her stuffing her face in such a refined and public space. So Byulyi had had breakfast against her will, yet was somehow still salivating at the thought of the glazed duck. She gulped as gracefully as she could when the Lieutenant approached and smiled.

"Is it true you canceled your appointments to see me?" He asked in greeting with an upturned lip. A frown.

"Nothing important." Byulyi smiled brighter. Despite this being a business transaction, it was in these moments when she thought her Lieutenant might have fallen for her. It made her oddly giddy. "I've no idea why Mamma told you.." She continued, rolling her eyes, "but I choose my appointments anyway. And I wanted to see you."

His frown turned into a smirk. He bent down to give her a small peck on the cheek. "Never do that for me." He extended his arm so she could lay her hand on his forearm. "I had to cancel a meeting and wanted a nice lunch. You liked this place so I thought I'd ask in case you were free." He glanced at her as they walked towards the seating kiosk. "You even dressed up for me," he sighed as he shook his head, "what am I going to do with you?" They stopped in front of the panel and he freed his arm from hers to press his watch to the metal pad. It was a standard reader, which scanned the code the Lieutenant had pulled up. It glowed with their table number, 16, and their wait time, 0 mins, so they stepped through the door, past the grumbling people waiting in line, into a brightly lit room. It was a mix of old and new, with minimalist design in the furniture, but tall highly decorated windows. Most of the light was naturally flowing through, gauzy layers of curtains pulled back to allow sunlight to filter through. Even though there were several tables being used, there was a hushed tone to the place. Only the tinkling of delicate silverware and the clicking of their steps against the marble made a sound as they walked to their table.  
There was a single panel on the table, similar to the one in the entrance. Byulyi had only seen them in the restaurants she'd visited with her Lieutenant, but he scanned his watch once more and told her to order whatever she wanted. Apparently, everything got charged automatically to his credit, so Byulyi smiled and thanked him as she chose the duck. He smiled back at her, indulgent. It had been a while since they could talk past pleasantries and have deeper conversations, but Byulyi waited for the Lieutenant to bring them up. Sometimes men in powerful positions came to the women in Mama’s house to allow themselves a time and place where they let go of responsibility, where they didn't have to make choices. Despite his gentle manners, the Lieutenant had proved himself to be the kind of man who wanted to be in control in and out of work. Byulyi allowed him to guide her whenever they were together; he chose the places they visited, the activities, the topics of conversation. She had to be careful to contain the sillier parts of herself tucked away when she saw him, as he was careful about his public image, but he was quickly becoming one of her favorite clients. They ate mostly in silence when the Lieutenant suddenly brought up the topic of his work.

"The truth is I'm glad you could see me today." He started after a lull, dabbing at his face with the napkin. "I'm not really sure when I'll be able to see you again." He paused to gauge her reaction before continuing, "I'm launching a new project at work. It took a lot to get it approved and it's all on me, so I have to make it perfect."

"That sounds exciting! Though I'll be sad not to see you, we could always keep in touch you know, if you need a mood lifter." She winked at him, trying to keep the mood light. She also pulled back her hair and tapped her earring, turning on the recording device discreetly.

"Maybe," he chuckled, then added in a conditional low voice, "but I'm really not sure how much free time I'll have. I got a lead on the underground group I told you about last time. If I crack down on them, catch the leader, who knows. There are rumors going around that the General is thinking about retirement." He raised his eyebrow. Byulyi could tell he was excited about this job, but she couldn't escape the implications. She was all smiles and compliments, but internally mourned the loss of this client. She wasn't losing him, but she was losing the parts that she enjoyed about him. She'd have to be careful with him from now on, but at least she'd get some time to prepare. In the meantime, she decided to have some dessert and drown her sadness in chocolate syrup. The Lieutenant had ordered himself a fancy tart, and she reached to the pad to order whatever had chocolate on the menu when she noticed her companion frown.

"What's wrong?" Byulyi asked, thinking she must have missed something he said.

“I guess a celebratory dessert is not out of order. But you should keep track of your food intake, sweetheart,” he answered carefully.

“Oh.”

Their desserts arrived and they started to eat them in silence but there was something ugly prickling at her throat. Worried that he might see the welling of tears in her eyes, Byulyi quickly excused herself to the bathroom, forgetting her phone on the table. Once in the bathroom, she quickly dabbed at her eyes. Her make-up was waterproof, but she never trusted the claims. Byulyi looked at herself in the mirror, breathed in deep and looked for her phone to text Hani when she realized, dread crawling up her mouth, she’d left it at the table. She checked the secret pocket of her purse in a rush and took out the chip Mamma gave her on the day she met the Lieutenant. The prospect of using it made her breath come in short gasps, and Byulyi slipped out her red lipstick and carefully snuck it out from the hollow between the crayon and the casing. She tucked it between her fingers as she rushed out the door. She didn’t know how it worked, but she knew it would destroy the hard-drive of her phone, basically erasing any evidence she might have collected. Everything recorded on previous days had been backed up already, so they could get it to the boys, but there was only the earring’s record of the Lieutenant’s plans today, and it would be best to keep the original. The chip was a last resort in case the Lieutenant got suspicious, she chanted, she prayed, trying to fix her expression before she got too close.

When she got close to their table she slowed down to a more suitable speed. Her smile was as bright as always, though the small chip hidden between her finger felt as heavy as her heart. Hoping nothing had happened while she’d had an emotional outburst, she asked the Lieutenant if they could go see a movie next time. Usually, this would be a nice question to ask a companion, as it led the subject away from work, and into the topic of when to see each other again. However, this time it made her companion frown.

“Well, like I said, it might be a while. Are you in a hurry to meet someone else?” His words had a dangerous sharpness to them. She sensed the glint of a knife.

“Not at all. Just with you, Lieutenant.” She said sweetly. This might have appeased him normally, but there was something in his face that told Byulyi he wasn’t buying it.

“So, I have a question about your work, actually.” Byulyi almost choked on the glass of water she’d put to her lips. It was uncommon to talk about the business side of their relationship with any companion, much less during an outing, but she acquiesced with a nod. “How many of them do you sleep with regularly, huh?”

The question took her almost completely by surprise. His tone was calm and patient, but not in the usual way. Byulyi was used to his gentle manner putting her at ease. Somehow, though he was speaking in a low tone and with the same tenderness, it felt like the rhythmic hiss of a rattlesnake. A warning.

“I believe your contract wasn’t exclusive, Lieutenant. But it can be, if you want me.” Byulyi was trying to regain control of the conversation, but the tremble of her voice belied her nervousness. The corner of her smile quivered, and the Lieutenant missed none of those details.

“I’ll keep it simple,” he wiped the corners of his mouth with the cloth napkin before he continued, “I don’t expect you to be a virgin, I'm no idiot. I don’t waste my time with stupid girls either. Who is RM?”

“Oh. It’s my accountant.”she lied easily,“Is that what this is about?” Byulyi envied the easy manner of her girlfriend. Hani could calm down an angry drunk with a sentence and a smile. She decided half-truths would make her less nervous than full lies. “He was texting me now, wasn’t he?”

“Yes. You got a text from ‘RM’ thanking you for something you gave him.” Suddenly his petulant anger seemed much more like that of a jealous child. Byulyi mistook it as affection, her own bias blinding her from his sentiments. If she’d known, she might have not giggled. She might not have reassured him and told him how much she liked him. Or maybe she would have, but she wouldn’t have meant it.  
She might have found the tracker he’d placed on her phone from that day on.

The Lieutenant frowned but she pushed forward, “Don’t be jealous, my Lieutenant, I’ll turn my phone off. I’m all yours when I’m with you, I promise. He was helping me with my tax returns before I got here. He must have been busy.”

“How do I know he’s really your accountant?”

“Ask him anything about taxes.” It was standard for them, if something like this happened to pretend the other side was an accountant and talk about taxes as a code. Whoever was at HQ right now would know to protect her. Her companion raised an eyebrow critically and typed something quickly into her phone. There was a beep a few seconds later and he returned her phone.

“Looks like your accountant has answered that question before.”

She peered at her phone and the HQ answer to his question made sense.

_Question: which tax laws cover housing.  
Also, what are my tax returns_

_RM- We talked about this, you can google it._   
_Its article XXIV and XXV  
And i can't tell you over text. Make an appointment_

The way he phrased it though, “looks like your accountant has answered that question before,” made something heavy settle in her heart. Suddenly the chocolate cake tasted ashy and she felt like puking and like her stomach was already empty at once. Byulyi glued a smile on her face and finished the meal with the Lieutenant. He promised to call on her as soon as he could, and she wished him luck on his project. As soon as he left, Byulyi took a cab to Mamma’s place and tried calling Hani. The call kept going to inbox when Byulyi remembered Hani was at a fundraising event for the Governor’s office. Byulyi decided she’d have to keep more of a distance around the Lieutenant from now on, and she wanted to talk to someone who could understand this as a friend and a member of the organization. She scrolled through the contacts on her phone and found Jaehwan’s number. Switching to her prepaid phone, she made the call.

*******

The single light bulb that lit the grimy room was swinging slightly from side to side. Usually the shaking was from the roaring train tracks above them, but at the moment it was from the careless thunk of Namjoon’s skull. Jungkook snickered while Hoseok berated their leader in angry whispers. They really didn’t need more of Namjoon’s accidents to fuck up the monthly budget. They were barely making is as it was. Hoseok beckoned everyone-which was the three other members currently at Headquarters- over to look at the news report. As they huddled over the news, they heard the beeping of the main door. Namjoon and Hoseok both looked up at the trapdoor across the room out of habit, while Jungkook scampered away in case it was Yoongi. Though they all knew no one could get in unless they had the code, they still held their breaths and had their hands hovering their holsters. The echo of feet down the tunnel revealed more than one person and Namjoon did a quick mental rundown of their schedules while Jimin did a rapid headcount. Their eyes met and their hearts beat faster. The people who were meant to be there were already in. The only people who usually came in at random times were the double agents, and they were all supposed to be out in the field at the moment. They both knew it could be any of their agents but they rarely came in together to avoid suspicion, so it was hard to shake off the feeling that something was wrong. It was his gut feeling that had saved him many times in the streets, during the protests, so Namjoon took his pistol out of his holster and signaled to everyone by raising an open palm. The sudden hush that came over their basement was a mimicry of their hearts trying to beat as quietly as possible.

The person waltzing in was not Yoongi but Jaehwan, and he had brought someone with him; walking in was a rarely seen member. Wonsik rarely came into HQ, as his job was primarily to report potential recruits to Yoongi and cover for their double agents in the field. The other members of WINGS had met him a couple of times and were amazed by his height; amazement that wore off as soon as he opened his mouth. Spit had accumulated in his mouth as he prepared himself to talk and when he dragged a quick breath to introduce himself, all the spit went to his lungs. He spent the next minute or so coughing, red-faced, too embarrassed to remember his perfectly tailored speech. Jaehwan only rolled his eyes and addressed the people in the room.  
There was no hierarchy in the organization, strictly speaking. They were no titles of respect, or honorary bullshit. They ran things as efficiently as possible and Namjoon thought all of those things got in the way of communicating with each other. Except he did command a level of respect amongst his peers. From the community organizing he pulled off during the protests a few years ago, to the feat that it was running WINGS, he and Yoongi were surrounded by a mythos that impressed and intimidated others in the organization who weren’t close friends. That mythos was, of course, partially fueled by fanfic drunkenly published by anonymous sources through their internal emails, as well as the conflicting portrayals of their personas on mainstream news media.  
The relatively small room was a bunker of sorts underneath a train station, set up as their HQ from where members of WINGS could meet safely. The space had been a control room for the train stations at some point, but had been abandoned, leaving the skeleton for the infrastructure they needed. Two little offices by the back, one with huge computers that Hoseok had managed to revive, and one used mainly by Namjoon and Yoongi. The main room where they usually held meetings was not especially big, but it had tables and chairs to make the members comfortable as they planned.There had been no message, codified or otherwise, requesting one such meeting, so the entrance of the two members was a surprise to everyone. Feeling the intensity of the gaze of so many important members, Jaehwan spoke slowly, seemingly choosing his words carefully. He seemed absolutely confident- Sanghyuk was perfect for the position. His personality, his outlook, and hopefully his motivation. If he could convince them that Sanghyuk would be a perfect target, maybe Jaehwan could finally breathe. Maybe they could fix things.

***

“Let me get this straight. You want to use the trainee cop as the new recruit.” Namjoon repeated, straightfaced. Jaehwan knew it was because their leader tried to make everyone feel like their ideas were given equal value, but hearing his plan out loud, point by point, was making his hands clam up.

“Yes.”

“Because you think he’ll be ‘more receptive to our mission in his tender years’.” His tone did not change. If anything, he sounded confused, and like he was earnestly trying to figure it out.

“Yes”

“And you know this because you’ve engaged with him, and can attest to his character.”

“Uhh. Well, that’s a little exaggerated.”

“That’s almost word by word what you said two minutes ago, Jaehwan.” Hoseok intervened, a little more impatient than Namjoon. Jimin and Jungkook had gone back to monitoring on their respective screens in the back office, but Hoseok was keeping an eye out on their security while they discussed, and couldn’t help but overhear everything being said in the tiny quarters.

“Yes, well. I was trying to be convincing.”

Namjoon sighed and ran his hand over his face. “I will ignore the fact that contacting him would have broken some serious codes, for all our sakes.” There was nothing wrong with the request, per se, but it was unconventional and it was a risky move. “What did Yoongi say about this?”

Jaehwan and Wonksik looked at each other, guilty children unable to cover up for their antics. Wonsik, who really should know better since he was in charge of recruitment, took charge by addressing the room. “He hasn’t said no...because I haven’t told him.”

Namjoon sighed again, angrily, and both friends felt miserable over the expression on his face. Their leader was kind and generous, like those rare supportive teachers who pushed and encouraged you because they had inherent faith in everyone. Seeing him disappointed because of them was the kind of thing that made shame wash over. It tinged their ears red and made them unable to look anywhere but down. Jimin and Jungkook were pointedly looking at their screens with motionless fingers, while Hoseok was looking nervously back and forth between his laptop and the group of men talking next to him.

It was an impossible weight on his chest, and Jaehwan couldn’t bear having put not only himself in this position, but his friend as well. A knot formed at his throat and there was a tightness that made it hard to speak, but he pushed out his words.

“I’ll talk to Yoongi.” He felt like a kid, with the waver in his voice, and the prickle in his eyes. Namjoon’s eyes softened.

Hoseok, who’d been trying to take a backseat, was evaluating the scene with a more critical eye. “Alright, boss, so I think we can refer to protocol right now. If Yoongi doesn’t approve, you can appeal to Namjoon. Jaehwan, thanks for keeping an eye for new recruits, but try to stay within protocol next time.” He summarized it all efficiently, trying to make everyone go back into their emotional lane. Jaehwan and Wonsik started nodding their heads, agreeing quickly to the terms, when Namjoon looked up at Jaehwan directly.

“ I don’t know why you want this Han Sanghyuk to join us so bad, but it seems like you’re already involved.” It only took him the span of the conversation to piece it together, but it had been enough. “You went over Yoongi’s head because you knew he wouldn’t approve,” he chastised, now looking at Wonsik, who lowered his head, “and you rushed through judgement because your emotions are clouding your head. Han Sanghyuk won’t be approved for WINGS.” Namjoon concluded. The soft pity in his eyes had hardened into the next tough decision of the day.

Namjoon couldn’t take any chances.


	4. fall brings broken lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the time Byulyi realizes he’s too dangerous it’s too late, and her mistakes trigger a race from the military against WINGS to find each other- even though neither are quite sure what they’re chasing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rough one. TW for sexual assault, violence, and the biggie- major character death. Also, sex while under the influence and post-coital angst.
> 
> This is the end of the first Arc! i hope you've enjoyed so far (:
> 
> There are 2 more Arcs, they've been mapped out, but i'm still working on them.  
> I hope i'll bring the second one with regular updates in a month? maybe two... but to be sure, follow me on [the bird app](https://twitter.com/thinking_toes)
> 
> I appreciate all the kudos and comments more than i can say :***
> 
> -much love, M

Byulyi had made many mistakes during her time with the Lieutenant. Possibly the biggest one of all was assuming it was only one mistake. Despite his warning that he might not have much time from now on, the Lieutenant asked for her schedule only a few weeks after their stressful lunch date. Byulyi accepted, of course, thinking it would be suspicious not to. The Lieutenant had clearly been the one tracking her phone, so if she refused it would be a missed opportunity in convincing him she hadn’t found the tracker. She tried to think of ways to fix the situation, but ultimately she only had to follow the plan laid out by Mamma Sunmi. She’d prepared, along with the WINGS members, a way to use her mistake for their advantage. Making the Lieutenant think he was in control would take pressure off other members and allow the organization to mislead the higher levels of the military. That was the plan anyway, and Byulyi was now bound to this man.

He picked her up in his car, which meant they were going on a more personal date. He’d mentioned comfortable clothing, but she still dressed up for the Lieutenant. She wore a long flowy skirt with a colorful pattern and a silky blouse. She layered it with her favorite red sweater as well because, even though the weather was warming up, it was still chilly at night. When he showed up, it was in his personal car. He was dressed more casually than their usual dates, but by no means less dashing. His cream colored linen pants probably cost a couple of months rent, and he was using his customary watch. He went to meet her at the door and walked her to the car, going through the motions of opening the door for her and asking her what she’d been doing since they last saw each other. His tone was pleasant, charming. His sharpness, coldness, was tucked away someplace unseen. Byulyi matched him with her own friendliness. She allowed his hands to settle on her knee as he drove them to the edges of the city limits.

“Oh my, are you trying to steal me away, Lieutenant?” She covered her mouth with an affected giggle, but very conscious of her recording device. Her phone was tucked away, in an attempt to keep the last meeting’s subject as far away as possible, but the safety chip was kept out of its casing, next to it, just in case. Still, Byulyi hoped the WINGS members stationed on this district were listening.

“You did say that could be arranged, didn’t you?” He turned away from the road to smirk at her. Any other day, she might have found that flirty.

“Possibly,” Byulyi responded demurely, “Where are we going, though?”

“Trust me, I planned a whole evening.”

Eventually he turned on the parking lot of a tall building. It was an arcade of sorts, with multiple levels. Different floors were dedicated to different kinds of games, and she was actually shocked at this turn of events. A genuine smile broke across her face as she thought of her friends and how much they liked these sort of places, so she jumped out of the car excitedly. The Lieutenant chuckled at her enthusiasm, bringing out an old-fashioned basket brimming with food, a bottle of wine peeking out. She looked at it curiously, wondering what kind of day her date had planned, but wordlessly accepted his extended his arm, and walked towards the building. Like at any other place he’d taken her to there was no wait. The staff recognized him immediately and a young man in a dark uniform welcomed them into a tight elevator chute. There was something odd about the way he approached them, but Byulyi couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Everyone was polite and deferential, but there was a cold undertone that made chills run down her spine. She made a note of all of this, thinking the guys at HQ might want to know these details, but quickly pushed them aside so she could act appropriately surprised at the reveal of the room the Lieutenant had prepared for their date.

He’d reserved a room set to a meadow, and they’d scented the room so it smelled exactly like the flowers in the field in front of them. There was a thick blanket spread in the middle, where he set the basket. It was an extraordinarily common date. Any other day, it would be touching. With the food splayed out, gentle light imitating the sunset around them, he invited her to sit next to him. He placed the lightweight goggles around her, and she realized she could still see most of the physical things they’d brought to the room.

“I bet we look really silly right now,” Byulyi said as she fumbled around, getting used to the wonky depth perception.

“What do you mean ‘we’?” He asked ruefully, trying to stop her from dropping her glass of wine.

Byulyi had been waiting anxiously for something to happen, an oppressive cloud blocking any ray of positivity from slithering in. But this date was lovely as any other. She thought of Mamma and the leaders of WINGS, and how she’d been right to trust them. The Lieutenant seemed back to his usual self, last date seemingly forgotten. They continued to eat and chat like they’d done many times. Byulyi was sipping on her second glass of wine when the Lieutenant reached for her hand.

“You really are lovely, so lovely.” He said it softly, almost a whisper, as he held her. Before she could reply, he pulled her closer. He was surprisingly forceful, and a shiver ran up her spine. No matter how drunk, he’d never touched her like this. He held her by her arms now, close to his chest, and half draped over his lap. Her VR goggles had been knocked askew by the jostling and she could see there was only one cup of wine, hers, spilled over both of them. The dark stain was spreading quickly over his clothes, the grotesque image bringing her back to her senses. The air no longer smelled of only flowers, but of wine too, and there was a faint bitterness to it. She alarmingly realized how much more drunk she felt than she normally would after a second drink. He continued to massage her pliant body as she processed what was happening, the mashed up images of VR and reality were slowly coming together. The shift in the air told her this was it. Byulyi flashed back to all the times she felt safe around the Lieutenant and laughed at herself. She stretched her arms around the Lieutenant, reaching for her bag as she kissed him, as she flashed forward to all the things she’d been meaning to say to Hani. Things she’d already said, but wanted to say again anyway. Byulyi felt the phone, and next to it, the bit of metal Mamma Sunmi had given her so long ago. She grasped them, holding onto her lifeline. The Lieutenant was busy roaming her body with his hands, with his lips. His right hand ran up her spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps despite the warmth of the room. He knotted his hand in her hair and pulled her face back, painfully tearing off the goggles.

“If only I could keep you. You were such a good bitch.” There was no eroticism, only insatiable hunger. Byulyi knew she only had moments to act. She could contact the team, though that might potentially reveal their location.

He continued to kiss and bite, consuming her mercilessly, when Byulyi touched the pad of her finger to her phone. The cold light of the device illuminated her face and made the Lieutenant realize she hadn’t been touching him at all. While her arms were around him, she’d been positioning the chip, and their gaze met as she inserted it into the phone, frying the circuits of the device. His growl was the scariest thing she’d heard so far, and Byulyi tried to get as far away as possible, but the effects of whatever was in her drink were making her weak. She pushed and kicked, but he wrapped his hands around her throat, crushing her windpipe. She scratched at his hand with one hand, the other held onto the dead phone with a white-knuckled grip. The Lieutenant used his weight and might to throw her across the room, where Byulyi collapsed.

She was as far as she could be from her client in the room, but it wasn’t as much distance as she wanted. If it was up to her, Byulyi would be across town, on the other side of the country even. As it was, her options were limited. The small dark room gave no cover, and she was sure that if she could get out, no one outside would help her. The cold politeness from the staff suddenly made sense, though it was no consolation. He laughed at her, cursing, making dark promises of all the things he’d make her do for ruining the phone. She sank to her knees and prayed it would be quick. Taking the chip out of the phone, she found the connector of her headgear. Behind the curve of her ear lay the small incision where they planted the network access. Byulyi thought of Hani as she slipped the hot metal into the opening, heat shooting through her head, unbearable, and immediate.

*****

The funeral space was really quite small. A one room cabin, with a kitchen and an outhouse, had been cleaned and prepared to look somber and beautiful for Byulyi’s wake. It felt even smaller with the amount of people crammed together in the living room where Byulyi's coffin was set carefully. They had sent the body to a friend of Namjoon’s who would take care of it, so the coffin was really largely symbolic. It was the best they could do, since the organization was splitting costs with Sunmi’s house. They had rented out a small house, out in the countryside, away from prying eyes. The silence was oppressive, and the members stepping into the property went to the main room to pay their respects to Sunmi, of all people.

When she’d gone missing, Sunmi asked WINGS for help trying to find her, but when they’d stopped receiving the signal from her gear they knew there wasn’t much hope. Hani was the only one who kept saying they couldn’t give up. Seokjin went over to the girls’ apartment to keep her company on those difficult nights, when they were waiting for news. When Hani received that call in the middle of the night, she knew it. They had done all they could to fix her body but, after looking for her for days, a rescue team finally found her bloated, drifting in the sewage. Not that it mattered, since they also found her headgear close by, tangled with her shredded red sweater. Her phone was suspiciously missing, but they could tell the thin chip used to override the signal of any hardware had been used, which meant that even if they’d found her alive, her brain would have received high enough voltage through the hardware to ruin her brain beyond repair. The team cleaned her as best as they could and messaged Sunmi, who sent a message to everyone at the organization.

It filled him with rage and a profound sadness. There was nothing to be done. Everyone who joined knew the risks, he just never thought, truly, about the possibility of one of his friends dying. Seokjin was sobbing quietly in the corner, holding Hani gently by the shoulders whose silent tears incessantly streamed down her face. Her bright features were uncommonly furrowed, and she was the only one wearing red, rather than black. No one had asked her what she wanted, or talked to her about Byulyi’s death. She’d found out the same as everyone. Thankfully, Seokjin was taking care of her.  
No one talked louder than a whisper, but every sound was deafening in his ears. How weird, to think that Byulyi would never hear anything again. They would never go singing again. She'd never nag at him about his bright clothes. Members who didn't really know her showed up for a few minutes, looking down instead of at his face. He couldn't stand it. It wasn't their fault, Jaehwan just felt suffocated by the pity and the black and the quiet. He shuffled outside of the mourning room, fiddling with his coat as he put it on, thinking whether it would be ok to leave now. He turned his head back at the relatively loud steps following him.

"Let's get a drink" said Seokjin simply, wiping his face with the back of his hand, holding Hani with his other hand.

They were several bottles of alcohol in, having skipped the burial itself, and they all decided to toast to Byulyi's life and share memories about their friend together. Hani was usually talkative, but that night she sipped on her drink continuously. She had always had a good memory, and kept starting them off with story after story, but let Seokjin finish each of them because he was the only one who could seem to bear talking that night. Jaehwan drank and talked along with them, but the dark sadness was only being amplified by the alcohol, bitterness filtering through.

"Jae?" Hani asked softly, as if trying not to hurt him. As if he could do anything but hurt. "You want to tell a story?" He hadn't actually shared any stories, mostly because there was a single one vividly sitting in his mind and he could hardly swallow through the knot in his throat to open his mouth and start.

"Byulyi was smart, she was ready. She slipped up once and that was all it took. I should have cared more, I mean, we all are a little too sharp in this job. But she was so kind. She took care of people." Jaehwan had to pause for breath before he could continue. "I didn't pay enough attention to her. She always helped me, and I couldn't help her."

"Hey, Jae, I know how you feel, but you can't blame yourself." Seokjin interrupted, his face reflecting the sudden tension of their table.

"Yeah.." Hani tried to continue but Jaehwan talked over her forcefully.

"No. Listen." He waited until he was sure his friends would listen carefully to his confession and took a sip of his drink to clear his throat. "She called me. A couple of weeks ago, she called me and told me about the guy she was meeting. She said she was trying to ditch the assignment because the guy was too dangerous. He was getting paranoid about her cheating and she was worried. I thought it was normal to run into assholes in the Public Service, so I kinda blew it off." He looked up with desperate eyes, horrified with himself and looking for forgiveness in his friends’ eyes. In Hani’s eyes. He couldn’t find it in himself yet. "Then we found out he’s the asshole who set the tracker on her. I should have taken care of her, talked to you Hani...I don’t know.." His words trailed off and the sudden silence made him feel like a balloon stretched to its limits. Hani and Seokjin were looking at each other carefully, trying to find the words to reach Jaehwan, but the silence stretched a little too long and Jaehwan stood up brusquely.

He set his share of cash on the table, mumbled a quiet goodbye, and rushed out of the little restaurant. Drunk and aimless, he wandered the streets without knowing what to do. He realized he was inside a convenience store, and had been staring at the same contact in his phone for a few minutes while blocking the aisle for the chips. The teenagers who pushed past him grumbled loudly enough to pull him out of his stupor. He called.

“Jae?”

The voice soothed something in him, just by saying his name out loud. He said nothing, hoping the man on the other end of the line would keep talking, a balm over his soul.

“What do you want? It’s three a-fuckin’-em.”

“I want you” he answered in a slurred and hoarse whisper. He was unsure of what Sanghyuk would think of this call, of him, but he was drunk enough to be honest.

“Have you been crying? What’s wrong?” He paused, but there was rustling, “Fuck..”

“I miss you,” Jaehwan answered, without answering.

“Where are you?” He asked through gritted teeth, though there was a definite jingle of keys.

“I never wanted to let you go...I’m so lonely Hyukkie.” His voice cracked, prying at the seams of the paper-thin walls Sanghyuk had built since- well, since the morning he left.

“Alright, take a picture of where you are and STAY THERE.”

*****

Sanghyuk’s car crawled to a stop in front of the convenience store. He didn’t know why he’d answered the call, or why he drove past several convenience stores looking for this particular drunk, or why he even cared. It had been a couple of months since he’d decided not to contact Jaehwan anymore, but here he was. Something about his voice, rough and broken, made his throat close up. If he was being completely honest with himself, it was a little flattering to still be the drunk dial. He settled Jaehwan into the passenger seat, arms full of random snacks, and drove to his own apartment without thinking too much about it. He’d been to Jaehwan’s place, but he was too tired to make the trip, and he convinced himself it would be ok.

“So..” Sanghyuk started, unsure of Jaehwan’s level of sobriety, “why did you call me? Why not call your friends?”

“M’sorry. You asked me not to call..I shou..I’m just having a rough day.” His speech wasn’t too slurred, but then again, he opened three bags of chips and started eating from them all indiscriminately.

“You want to, uh, talk about it?” He was trying really hard not to be amused and endeared by the man next to him inhaling chips.

“Not really. I said everything at the funeral. I should have listened better, I suck at that.”

“No shit.” Sanghyuk was trying to keep his sarcasm at a minimum, considering he was back from a funeral, but it was almost as hard as staving off his endearment. It was almost fascinating how quickly the intoxicating nature of Jaehwan was getting under his skin.

Between mouthfuls of chips Jaehwan told Sanghyuk about Byulyi. He remembered her smile, and how easy she laughed. She was bright, and found joy in every corner. Like all the silly puns, or the time she imitated all the kinds of farts. She was unconventional, and the world tried to cut away parts of her, to make her fit a definition. He told Sanghyuk how she loved. She saw love as something everyone should have, so she tried to love the people around her as best as she could. All the stories he couldn’t share with his friends came pouring out; with every word Jaehwan found it harder to speak, and by the time they were parked in his building, it had been awhile since he could talk. Jaehwan cried, and cursed. He blamed himself, the world, and Byulyi. He asked for forgiveness, from Hani, from Sanghyuk, and once more from Byulyi.

Sanghyuk led him to his flat, shushing, calming. There were broken chips and orange powder mixed with tears and snot all over Jaehwan’s hair, face and clothes, so he led him to the shower. The vague annoyance had turned to concern in the span of the car ride. He told himself he’d parse through those complicated feelings at some point in the future, but for now his heart ached for the soft boy in front of him. He grabbed his hand to make sure Jaehwan would follow, and led him to the bathroom next to his room. It was relatively big, and the shower could be plugged to be used as a tub. Sanghyuk reached in the shower and opened the faucet while plugging the drain. Jaehwan followed him in and crumpled on the floor, his wailing cries subdued now to gentle sobs. Sanghyuk knelt in front of him, held his face.

“Let me help,”

Sanghyuk reached, careful not to touch more skin than he strictly had to, and unbuttoned his shirt. He looked at his face again, peering into the impossibly puffy eyes of the person who broke his heart. Slowly, he reached for the button in his pants. Jaehwan flinched, and he drew his hand away. He stepped out of the bathroom, letting him undress in private. When the bath was drawn, Jaehwan slipped into the water as Sanghyuk changed into comfy shorts, a t-shirt, and considered the absurdity of the situation.

“How did this happen, how is this my life,” Sanghyuk thought to himself.

The half-drunk, fully soaked, Jaehwan emerged from his bath, towel wrapped around his waist, and poked his head out. It shook Sanghyuk out of his reverie and he grabbed some random clothes to give him. “Here, you can wear these,” he said, awkwardly looking away from Jaehwan’s body, “you can crash here too, since its getting pretty late.” He offered reluctantly.

Jaehwan struggled with the response, realizing belatedly the other man was moving to grab him a blanket- presumably to sleep on the sofa. His kindness reminded him of all the little gestures he’d made towards him over the past year, and it brought fresh tears to his eyes. Sanghyuk was taken aback, unaware of how he’d hurt his feelings, but he rushed forward.

“Wha...Are??” His ex was a blubbering mess, and Sanghyuk gave him a half-hearted pat on the back.

“It’s not..I'm not..” he sobbed “I’ve just missed you so much.” It made Sanghyuk withdraw his hand for the second time.

“No, we can't.” Sanghyuk looked at him with building resentment.

“I know, I..I'm not asking you to.. I just. I don't have anyone else.” Jaehwan’s pitiful look was a prying hand at the crumbling walls of his resolve.

“No, Jae...you are breaking my heart. Again.” Sanghyuk walked back to his bed, pushing his hair back as he tried to put his thoughts in order. “You said you didn’t want anything serious.” He said with distress. Sanghyuk can’t help but wonder if he’s playing some sort of sick game. It’s not the sort of thing he’d expect from Jaehwan, but why else would he be doing this? There were too many thoughts in his head, and they all sounded like static; it was giving him a headache.

“I never wanted to leave you,” Jaehwan tried to explain, “I had to..” suddenly interrupting himself, as if remembering something.

“You had to what?” Sanghyuk’s volume increased without him noticing, and he only noticed when he heard himself yell, “What does that even Mean... that's bullshit!”

“I know, I know. It’s unfair to you..I'm not asking you to..” Jaehwan tried again, but Sanghyuk was on a roll and he interrupted.

“But you are! You call me and you make those eyes at me..” Those sad, pretty eyes..how could he say no to him?

“But you answered,” he said, now annoyed, “maybe you miss me too.” But also hopeful.

Sanghyuk felt the crushing weight of the distance between them, and couldn’t take it anymore. He got up from his bed and took a step closer. Jaehwan shuffled towards him too, without looking him in the eyes, and Sanghyuk wanted to look again into Jaehwan’s pretty downturned eyes, so he placed his hand on Jaehwan’s cheek. It was like putting two magnets together the wrong way. The tension broke, Jaehwan crumpled in his arms, crying again. It was not pretty. There was snot everywhere, and the tears blurred everything, making it hard to see.  
Sanghyuk brushed them all away, and for the first time in months they kissed. It was not romantic, or poetic. It was broken and hungry. They were trying to find pieces of themselves in each other, crushing their bodies attempting to find comfort in the warmth of each other the way they used to, chasing a dream they were no longer sure they’d shared.

Jaehwan only had a towel wrapped around himself, which got tossed aside quickly. He moaned into Sanghyuk’s mouth and it only took a couple of steps until they both collapse on the bed. They kissed, their mouths swollen from biting and it took a little effort, but eventually they both got hard. Jaehwan sunk into Sanghyuk, aching for anything that would make him feel good again. It’d been too long since he’d felt the sunshine Sanghyuk brought to his bed. Sanghyuk, for his part took longer to make up his mind. Unsure of the taste of alcohol still in Jaehwan’s mouth, of his intentions. Ultimately he had also been deprived too long of the warmth, and when he stowed his insecurities away, his clothes went right along with them.

They ran their hands through hair, chest, legs, ass. Exploring and rediscovering the bodies they knew. It had only been a few months since they broke up, but Sanghyuk had been working out. Training had gotten rid of the last of his baby fat, muscles straining under Jaehwan’s hands in new and exciting ways. Jaehwan had changed as well. His body, lighter from stress and grief looked delicate under Sanghyuk, and the whimpers that escaped his mouth only made him feel smaller. Sanghyuk wanted nothing more than to comfort him, to make him feel good. There was too much inside of him, though, and he knew he didn’t have it in himself to take care of both of them. Instead, he leaned over to his nightstand, weight on his elbow so Jaehwan wouldn't get crushed, and took out his lube. He squirted a generous amount on his hand and started rubbing it over Jaehwan’s penis. There was the initial gasp of shock when the cold lube touched him, and then the gasps of pleasure. He let the lube slide down, and Sanghyuk played with Jaehwan’s entrance until he could fit a finger. It felt good, too good, because it was over quickly and Jaehwan came messily on himself. Sanghyuk was still hard, but the effort of making Jaehwan come made him feel emotionally wrung out, so he collapsed on the bed and wiped his hands on the sheets, thinking he’d change them the next day.

Jaehwan opened his eyes experimentally and saw Sanghyuk next to him, messy and folded neatly next to him. He stretched out and looked at the ceiling. Everything hurt. He got up and took a peak in the nightstand. There was a small packet of wet wipes. Jaehwan took it out and used a couple to wipe himself down. He then took a couple more to clean Sanghyuk.  
Sanghyuk made appreciative noises, and was thankful for the attempt at cleaning up. He wasn’t sleepy, and he wasn’t energized. He was thinking somehow he wished he could be a wall in his next life. Jaehwan interrupted his thoughts of architectural reincarnation,

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, m' fine”

“You didn't..”

“It’s too late now..” And it was true. Sanghyuk was soft and tired. The magnet had been forcefully flipped again. Jaehwan felt a need to hold the man next to him, wanted to bury himself in his smell and gently kiss persuasions on his lips until he was convinced of Jaehwan’s feelings. But his turned back was loud and clear. Instead, he awkwardly stood and grabbed the borrowed clothes and blanket, got dressed and took to the sofa. He texted Wonsik, asking for a ride, and by the time Sanghyuk woke up, the blanket was folded neatly on the long-abandoned seat.

*******

There was a time when they thought they’d always have to be on high alert. Slowly, Namjoon and Yoongi had realized that there were waves, and the low tides were a time to prepare and plan. After almost a decade of working together, they were a well-oiled machine. Namjoon was mostly in charge of managing their members behind the scenes. Yoongi’s relatively high position in the Public Service gave him enough clearance to protect and filter information.The low tide had lasted longer than usual so Yoongi was unfazed when he got into his office that morning and realized the tide was high again.  
The Lieutenant General was sitting in his office, in Yoongi’s chair, sipping on a cup of something warm when he walked in. He recounted this to Namjoon with a grimace, obviously upset at having had to swallow this down. The Lieutenant had “come bearing gifts”, as he’d put it, tossing a small phone on his desk. Yoongi picked it up hesitantly. His boss had had no regard for the condition the phone could be kept in, so he didn’t bother with gloves. It was an old-fashioned phone, a palm sized rectangle too thick to be a newer model. Of course, Yoongi recognized the model immediately, but he turned his questioning gaze towards the Lieutenant. He only smiled, full of teeth, without letting it touch his eyes, and encouraged him to look at it more closely. Yoongi inspected it with more detail, and quickly realized there were scorch marks around the charger port. It was as if. Almost. As if someone had taken a chip with a specific virus and stuck it inside. He bit back his groan, making a rundown of his schedule so he could shift all non-essential tasks for tomorrow. Today was going to be hell.  
His boss instructed him to find the culprit who’d used it, but more importantly who they worked for and to try to recover the data. Obviously, Yoongi already knew all those things; he knew it was the girl from Sunmi’s house who used it. He already knew the data was forever lost-except for the copy safely kept by WINGS. But he agreed, promising to get results as soon as possible. Although this wasn’t how they’d planned it, this was their in. The tide was high, and Min Yoongi needed some whiskey.


End file.
